did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
