Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
