Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
