I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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