I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
