the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
