my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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