Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
