I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
