i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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