Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
