Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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