I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
