She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
