Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
