he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
