he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
