My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize