I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
