I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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