I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize