An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
