I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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