Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
