Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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