Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
