fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The adults are the big ones right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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