I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize