you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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