These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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