Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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