How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize