craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
