you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
