saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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