just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
