I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
