well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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