he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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