I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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