i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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