The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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