I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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