i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
