I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
