umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
