Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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