i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
