So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
