I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
