i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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