Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
