I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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