someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
