I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
