chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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