if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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