I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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