Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
