They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
