the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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