Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
