loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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