Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
