My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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