hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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