I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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