I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
