You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
