It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
