Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
