I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
