he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
