I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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