guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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