Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize