I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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