Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
