I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
