there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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