when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
