i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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