I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
