Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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