she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
