I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
