You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
