Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
