I am puke
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
