my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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