Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
