ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
