I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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