everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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