whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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