Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize