the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
