There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
