ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
