I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
