just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize