i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
