She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
