i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
