he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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