Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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