I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I understand Curling. That high.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
