he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
