Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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