Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
