My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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